What is the thinnest book in the world?

What men know about women.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One...men will screw anything.

When does a man take a bubble bath?

If he eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Whats a mans idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is excited?

He's breathing.

Whats the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up

How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who cares?

How many men does it take to empty a roll of toilet paper?

We don't know....it has never happened.

How are men and parking spots alike?

The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left over are handicapped.

Whats a mans idea of helping with the house work?

Lifting his leg so you can vacumm

Whats the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

What does a man consider a seven course meal?

A hot dog and a six pack of beer.